The Making of a Serious Employee
An Interview with Jonas “Small Pieces” van der Winkler
Today’s interview takes place in Jonas’s “Deep Thoughts Study”, a dark-paneled and heavily curtained room. The curtains are drawn and the only light in the room comes from a 40-watt desk lamp that is trying valiantly but unsuccessfully to banish the deep shadows.
Q. Uhh…what is that on your head exactly?
JvdW. This? Oh, this is my thinking cap. It helps me keep my thoughts focused. That’s why it’s pointed on top. That’s the focal point.
Q. Oh. Well, let’s get some background information if we could. What were you like as a child?
JvdW. I was a very serious child, naturally. When my pet hamster died when I was five years old I learned that life is no laughing matter. I gave such a solemn eulogy at Hammie’s funeral that my entire family began sobbing uncontrollably. That’s what got me started officiating at all the neighborhood pet funerals. I still get requests to appear at functions that require a particularly heavy note.
Q. I see. And just how did you get your nickname, “Small Pieces”?
JvdW. Well, that’s a funny story…
Q. Do you mean funny – strange, or funny – ha ha?
JvdW. What?
Q. Never mind. Go on.
JvdW. Oh. Well, you see, I never enjoyed going to those childhood birthday parties although fortunately, I wasn’t invited very often. But what was even worse was when it was MY birthday and all those happy idiots would come over to MY house and scream and run around and break things and eat large, large pieces of MY birthday cake. It gave me nightmares. I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming, “NO! NO! Take SMALL PIECES!!! SMALL PIECES!!!”
Q. That must have been very traumatic.
JvdW. Oh, it was. You can’t even imagine. I have it under control now, mostly, but every now and then I have a little flashback. Just a couple of months ago I was attending a very nice birthday luncheon for one of my coworkers. All was well until they brought out the cake and I just blurted it out, “SMALL PIECES!!” I pretended to laugh it off of course.
Q. Of course. What else could you have done?
An Interview with Jonas “Small Pieces” van der Winkler
Today’s interview takes place in Jonas’s “Deep Thoughts Study”, a dark-paneled and heavily curtained room. The curtains are drawn and the only light in the room comes from a 40-watt desk lamp that is trying valiantly but unsuccessfully to banish the deep shadows.
Q. Uhh…what is that on your head exactly?
JvdW. This? Oh, this is my thinking cap. It helps me keep my thoughts focused. That’s why it’s pointed on top. That’s the focal point.
Q. Oh. Well, let’s get some background information if we could. What were you like as a child?
JvdW. I was a very serious child, naturally. When my pet hamster died when I was five years old I learned that life is no laughing matter. I gave such a solemn eulogy at Hammie’s funeral that my entire family began sobbing uncontrollably. That’s what got me started officiating at all the neighborhood pet funerals. I still get requests to appear at functions that require a particularly heavy note.
Q. I see. And just how did you get your nickname, “Small Pieces”?
JvdW. Well, that’s a funny story…
Q. Do you mean funny – strange, or funny – ha ha?
JvdW. What?
Q. Never mind. Go on.
JvdW. Oh. Well, you see, I never enjoyed going to those childhood birthday parties although fortunately, I wasn’t invited very often. But what was even worse was when it was MY birthday and all those happy idiots would come over to MY house and scream and run around and break things and eat large, large pieces of MY birthday cake. It gave me nightmares. I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming, “NO! NO! Take SMALL PIECES!!! SMALL PIECES!!!”
Q. That must have been very traumatic.
JvdW. Oh, it was. You can’t even imagine. I have it under control now, mostly, but every now and then I have a little flashback. Just a couple of months ago I was attending a very nice birthday luncheon for one of my coworkers. All was well until they brought out the cake and I just blurted it out, “SMALL PIECES!!” I pretended to laugh it off of course.
Q. Of course. What else could you have done?
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